Thursday, July 10, 2008

Random thoughts of a dull moment

She lay on her bed, crouched in to the typical position when she felt that way… like she wanted to escape the reality… a baby in a womb craving for some protection, unwilling to be a part of the world.
How she hated the word hate, but it never ceased to love her. Hatred loved her.
It is on afternoons like this that thoughts she never wanted to come to terms with creeps in ruthlessly. Thoughts which were irrelevant, silly and slightly pushed to some corner of the subconscious, as they say.
She hated afternoons like this, when she felt depressed in such a typical way.
Even a light movie like Jaane tu ya jaane na managed to do this to her. Ideas that bubbled with concepts of relationships, love, friendship, confusions, decisions blah blah boggled her.
She shut her eyes slightly, praying for a nap, resisting work and conversations.
She hated every bit of communication at such moments, be it reading people’s thoughts on blogs, or facing questions at chats, cuz she hated to lie, and what would she anyway convey the truth as?
She found it really funny, such dull moments, she would rather feel numb. NUMB!
She hate the care that she felt for all her people, she hated the craving for some wishful moments. Like the actor in Serendipity, why did she believe so much in destiny…like things would happen if they are meant to be. She hated to express the most deeply felt thoughts, but why, why couldn’t she be just like so many others. Why the hell did she care so much at times. Not that they care as much. Then why should she, why does it come so inevitably to her. Why does let herself be taken for granted?
Why cant she be like Jay in Jaane Tu, forget the whole world on finding the so called love, be selfish and bask in the glory of the feeling itself. Why did she have to relate to Aditi, the darker side, and her confusions and pretence of being all happy…? Bloody, it wasn’t a movie that she was living in! She hated dull moments like this that brought such scary thoughts to her….

Never mind, like I said these are just irrelevant momentary thoughts and kindly do not let it hamper your peace of mind