Wednesday, October 17, 2007

thots in a caravan

Rush of thoughts..some silly, some life-changing; running visually stimulating sights.. some thrilling and some blurry n nostalgic enough to throw u back to your cocoon..
Cuddled in my blanket, and lying down cozily in my own seat..I see a man who looks rather Buddhist, up at 4 in morning.. he goes freshens up and here ..he is back again adoring the sights pensively out of the misty window pane. The darkness, quietness n the smooth swings like a mother gently putting its baby off to slumber with a cradle-lullaby, is so comforting.. .

Sitting in the train amidst a crowd of different people mostly young n ‘couples’;), I finally comfort myself on getting a reward of few hours of peace …all by myself…n wid thots of my people..smsing endlessly...people-watching.. staring outside blankly while sipping my favorite beverage (oh I miss the hot piping chaa in earthern pots avaible in sonar bangla.. n those soft hot roshogolaas)…

Hectic exam schedule has made me realize I can get up pretty early in the morning.. (my poor alarm tone –big big world- usually fades to the turn off mode after ceaselessly trying to wake me out of my fantasy
Train journeys have always been special in some way or the other for me, usually when its all by myself.
It’s helped me take decisions after long reflective mindboggling shifts of thoughts, it’s helped me forgive, not be jealous of certain things thereby feeling miserable, help me love a little more, grow some more..and be a little more of who I am.

Home…hmm.. what about it..something that I have noticed is tht my family’s attitude has changed so much in these few months..umm I don’t know.. That they miss me..has become so much more evident in their voices now.. that- when I would be able to be with them is all they care about (even if they know I would have to come back early) that I wont be attending a cousin’s wedding is okay with them (something I remember I used to have huge arguments about during my grads days in Kolkata, because I would want to utilize that time for something else)

Why do we have to evaluate what we are doing every single moment…specially by comparing it with what others are doing! Should not that either be “none of my business” or simply be a source to derive some inspiration and give the best of my efforts! Damn..i mean its succha short time.. things change drastically…
living in the moment is so damn true!

The other day I spoke to an old friend, she told me how few friends still hold the grudge that others haven’t kept in touch with them , they behaved rudely with her when she went to meet them up :-/ I found it so childish.. cant they just come out of their hostel bitchy political matured enough to accept each other unconditionally .. now! that everyone is actually separated! I just asked her not to rack her brains with things she cant help n by continuously bothering bout people who cant see through the tough time she is facing ..

Here in train, I wonder why am I not initializing a conversation with anyone around..I can..but lol.. don’t want anyone to disturb my thoughts when I need ‘that’ time wrapped in silky dreamy titbits of life..
Isnt socializing the rule of surviving.. but I hate to socialize, just to impress, when I want to be quiet.. specially when its amongst people you know.. I mean, chicy talks alone don’t make you chic, acting cool is nt enough to make you actually cool.. it takes time to know someone..n if you don’t care to take that extra effort n see thru who I actually am… u rather be spending your time somewhere else n leave me on my own n form whatever opinion u want to with your perpetual judgmental attitude. I know am being kind of cynical.. but its important to set ur priorities sometimes..n hence plz let me do tht :P….!!!Blogging has been therapeutic when it comes to venting out n feeling light n amazingly healed! and I don’t know why I havent ever tried n organized my thoughts while writing something rather personal, yeah coherent thoughts do make for a good read but more that that…even professionally I would like to believe that the message that raw unaltered views convey is pretty satisfactory in its own way, of course its gotto be REGULAR (oki I confess my mistakes too) :P!!

N before the battery of the laptop exhausts, wish me a good journey back home. Its going to hectic even now:-/ will publish this piece after I reach.-15th oct,07

update frm the hoemtown:Here.let me share few pics i clicked today in the morning...Deja vu!...last yr..i did somethings similar..woke up early in the morning to shoot things around my home..

these r the recent ones on flickr -
till the title "balcony moments"
the ones that follow had been taken last yr :)