Monday, June 23, 2008

katra katra

If you ve already heard this song, am sure you wouldn't mind melting into the memories that this song brings along all over again...
I haven't watched the movie yet and it has my fav Naseeruddin Shah:(


Thursday, June 19, 2008

Damn embarrassing!

When frustration comes out in form of tears... and you do not find a space to bloody hide your face anywhere

Monday, June 16, 2008

immortal words

unke dekhe se jo aa jaatii hai muuh par raunaq
vo samajhte hain ki bimaar kaa haal achchhaa hai

hamko maaluum hai jannat kii haqiiqat lekin
dil ke Khush rakhne ko 'Ghalib' ye Khayaal achchhaa hai

U gotto move on

I have got so used to this chair
the open cabin
Manikchand Oxyrich mineral water duly placed to the corner everyday
Post-it notes with the to-do scribbles (btw, u must read its story here-->
n the timely tea cups
Boss coming to supervise my 'doings' now and then
the chik-chik around
Genuine hugs when you just need them
Healthy competition
The privacy when I need it
A balcony to go and laze around when I need to clear my mind while watching ppl around enjoy their ciggi-suttas
and the enjoyable walk back home in the rains --> chai-chappa-chai..chappak..chai
...the beaches to go and chill-out after work...wish I could just sit there whole night

and **** like they say....U gotto move on!!! and so will I
Whether you believe it or not..I truely feel life is weird! Just when you start getting used to something, u gotto bid it good-bye. A feeling that's got so ingrained in my system I can speak about it almost dispassionately

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Moments of truth

She sat quietly in the vast space amidst a crowd of people chattering between each other.
As she gazed at nothing (the mode she often gets into) moments rushed past her, smiling, mocking and questioning her like naughty, innocent kids on the streets pulling your kurti for a penny with that captivating twinkle in their eyes.
Gently and tenderly she shut her eyes, ready to be back home.
It’s been a long time she had been home. Her home. Her heart. Where she felt belonged and special.
She felt music hitting her veins like a razor.. sharp razor…so strong was the impact of the soulful tunes that played in her mind, ruthlessly, again and again with slight pauses in between. She choked with pain but wouldn’t let go of the moment.
The calming darkness soothed her senses, the tranquility of the moment engulfed her existence in absoluteness.
Before she realized, tears rolled down her cheeks silently, yeah those saline, watery fluid, much against her will to give into her weaknesses.
Instinctively, her hands reached the centre of her heart and placed themselves comfortably there. She felt her heart. Right there, the beats, each beat…. She felt surprised at the discovery, the tangible discovery!
She felt as if her heart was craving to open up, it pleaded for help, it needed some nourishment against all the rationality that the harsh ways of living mercilessly ask it to cope up with.
Moments floated in air.
Hit her like powerful waves.
Images of a girl curving into herself , head buried in the knees , for solace, some protection….in her balcony, under the stars in the pitch darkness.
Days when she would fall asleep weeping with only the breeze acting as a balm for the open gaping wounds.
Of the little girl wandering off to unknown lands to chase the sun, just to be the first one to feel its warmth.
Her family
Fleeting images of some forgotten souls who never ceased to care for her, and whom she successfully managed to push in to the ‘forgotten list’

It all rushed hurriedly, as if someone had hurled bundle of things at her all at once, or like passengers at a local compartment pushing, tearing each other apart to find their ways.
She felt boggled, bothered and uncomfortable. Very very uncomfortable.
She drifted into an entirely different zone…like a soul floating and swaying in the smokes of the ashes of its deceased body. Free. Liberated. Yeah..almost.
Was it really happening? The phenomena…?
She reveled in the absolute cluelessness.
Her heart that she held on to so dearly, felt so exhausted… it really did.
It sought no sympathy. Just empathy. It sought a home. A dwelling.
It sought the tenderness, away from the dos and donts of the world…away from the fears of losing its near and dear ones, away from the truth of futility of life…
Whirlpool of illustrations that symbolized love, life, lust, relationships, insecurities and sacred secrets screamed aloud…tearing her heart apart….pleading to ‘let go’, pleading for some care.

Deep rooted gaps in life they say.
Unfulfilled, sacred wishes that would put Freud to shame and defy all logic of psychological findings.
The music was still playing, cutting her apart, but kinder and gentler than before…
like an asthma patient finally finding his lost breath again after a fatal attack.

Her left hand lovingly covered her forehead to let the thoughts out….confront them and breath in the air to feel the cool breeze..the kind that only embraces you by a sea shore.

A white light splashed and bathed her in the rays.
There appeared a tree out of no where in the far stretched fairyland.
She saw her sitting under it lovingly and carefree. There were angels flying all around, so close, like she could extend her hands and touch them .The rays from the halo touched her and kissed her being. She giggled..
Just then an angel sat on her shoulder and whispered a message into her left ear while she carefully listened to it. Her eyes lit up….
And she continued basking in the joy of being… amidst the angels, and the vibrant air, each atom breathing life , love and care meant just for her….
Her palms opened up to receive…She felt the tranquility engulfing her again.
The unconditional surrender helped her receive far more than she had expected.
After a long time, what seems like ages, she felt at sync with things around her..not in the absolute sense.. but only she knew how much she needed this.

She didn’t want to get back to earth….but as she softly opened her eyes, the lights around didn’t pierce her vision. She felt like being okay…
She still felt the bliss in every pore of her body, she still felt her heart….that tangibly…
yes it existed and she is alive..:)

That was the most intense form of meditation that she underwent after a long long time, for all she knew she truly deserved the treat.
Life keeps happening to us , now and then…but then such moments of truth just help you get a little closer to life and reaffirm you faith in the miracles around.

Thursday, June 5, 2008

quick nice read:)






-Paul Arden

Monday, June 2, 2008


She sub-consciously performs her daily ritual.Types her Gtalk Status message first thing in the morning:
..selective memory....does it help? if atall
A message instantly pops up
a: It helps.
Who does it help is the question?
b: hmm
yeah..who does it help?
doesnt help me..cuz i can brush away memories i dun wanna rem
i mean cant *
a: which is not such a bad thing.
if you can do it , that is.
selective memory is not necessarily by design.
b: then?
a: by default too.
one's mental make up may be such so as to remember a certain set of things.
b: thts wht am sayin...
there r things i d better off put aside
a: so that can help , no?
b: but doesnt happen thtw ay..
hits me like a wave now n then
a: hmmm!
anything in particular that you wanna talk about?
b: hmm..nt reely...
just random thots
4get just lost it:p
how are you....?
a: Good!
Losing it is the best gift you can give to yourself.
b: :) tht makes me feel good:P
(hope 'a' doesnt mind for me having dared to extract the conversation into my quiet dark dwelling here)


My first and best boss/collegue ever quit today.
I was kinda sad... for all she taught/gave me in these few weeks is incomparable to anything else. Like a mentor and true friend.
For all the lessons on thinking big and implementation of plans and on rising above mediocrity..
For teaching me that romance between professionalism and spirituality can co-exist...
For the memories..


Just brings to my notice that the last time I was sad of this kind was when my dance trainer had to leave us for better destinations waiting for her. I was in 8th then. Just that the eyes could afford to get moist then . and now. people come. they leave. All I can afford to do is smile with the 'that's life afterall' look in my eyes and a slight pang in the heart.
After she is gone,
I come to my desk and read an unusual status message on my gtalk..
probably someone else has logged in from my system..
no.wait. Its my id only.
and the status message reads 'pyasi padosan'
another prank by some wellwisher!
My eyes go wide...and I burst into a laughter few seconds after..
That's life afterall..
kabhi khushi kabhi gum