Wednesday, October 17, 2007

thots in a caravan

Rush of thoughts..some silly, some life-changing; running visually stimulating sights.. some thrilling and some blurry n nostalgic enough to throw u back to your cocoon..
Cuddled in my blanket, and lying down cozily in my own seat..I see a man who looks rather Buddhist, up at 4 in morning.. he goes freshens up and here ..he is back again adoring the sights pensively out of the misty window pane. The darkness, quietness n the smooth swings like a mother gently putting its baby off to slumber with a cradle-lullaby, is so comforting.. .

Sitting in the train amidst a crowd of different people mostly young n ‘couples’;), I finally comfort myself on getting a reward of few hours of peace …all by myself…n wid thots of my people..smsing endlessly...people-watching.. staring outside blankly while sipping my favorite beverage (oh I miss the hot piping chaa in earthern pots avaible in sonar bangla.. n those soft hot roshogolaas)…

Hectic exam schedule has made me realize I can get up pretty early in the morning.. (my poor alarm tone –big big world- usually fades to the turn off mode after ceaselessly trying to wake me out of my fantasy
Train journeys have always been special in some way or the other for me, usually when its all by myself.
It’s helped me take decisions after long reflective mindboggling shifts of thoughts, it’s helped me forgive, not be jealous of certain things thereby feeling miserable, help me love a little more, grow some more..and be a little more of who I am.

Home…hmm.. what about it..something that I have noticed is tht my family’s attitude has changed so much in these few months..umm I don’t know.. That they miss me..has become so much more evident in their voices now.. that- when I would be able to be with them is all they care about (even if they know I would have to come back early) that I wont be attending a cousin’s wedding is okay with them (something I remember I used to have huge arguments about during my grads days in Kolkata, because I would want to utilize that time for something else)

Why do we have to evaluate what we are doing every single moment…specially by comparing it with what others are doing! Should not that either be “none of my business” or simply be a source to derive some inspiration and give the best of my efforts! Damn..i mean its succha short time.. things change drastically…
living in the moment is so damn true!

The other day I spoke to an old friend, she told me how few friends still hold the grudge that others haven’t kept in touch with them , they behaved rudely with her when she went to meet them up :-/ I found it so childish.. cant they just come out of their hostel bitchy political matured enough to accept each other unconditionally .. now! that everyone is actually separated! I just asked her not to rack her brains with things she cant help n by continuously bothering bout people who cant see through the tough time she is facing ..

Here in train, I wonder why am I not initializing a conversation with anyone around..I can..but lol.. don’t want anyone to disturb my thoughts when I need ‘that’ time wrapped in silky dreamy titbits of life..
Isnt socializing the rule of surviving.. but I hate to socialize, just to impress, when I want to be quiet.. specially when its amongst people you know.. I mean, chicy talks alone don’t make you chic, acting cool is nt enough to make you actually cool.. it takes time to know someone..n if you don’t care to take that extra effort n see thru who I actually am… u rather be spending your time somewhere else n leave me on my own n form whatever opinion u want to with your perpetual judgmental attitude. I know am being kind of cynical.. but its important to set ur priorities sometimes..n hence plz let me do tht :P….!!!Blogging has been therapeutic when it comes to venting out n feeling light n amazingly healed! and I don’t know why I havent ever tried n organized my thoughts while writing something rather personal, yeah coherent thoughts do make for a good read but more that that…even professionally I would like to believe that the message that raw unaltered views convey is pretty satisfactory in its own way, of course its gotto be REGULAR (oki I confess my mistakes too) :P!!

N before the battery of the laptop exhausts, wish me a good journey back home. Its going to hectic even now:-/ will publish this piece after I reach.-15th oct,07

update frm the hoemtown:Here.let me share few pics i clicked today in the morning...Deja vu!...last yr..i did somethings similar..woke up early in the morning to shoot things around my home..

these r the recent ones on flickr -
till the title "balcony moments"
the ones that follow had been taken last yr :)


Red Soul said...

me first :D

Red Soul said...

now I'll go see the pics on ur flickr. :)

Ricky said...

Oye Shono Mera,

I don't know why but train journeys always brought a sense of adventure in me. I loved the fact that you can see people from around India in one place and its interesting to know different reasons that people take the same journey, some maybe going to a marriage, some maybe going to college/coming home etc. Its just like a microcosm of life, same journey, same destination, different reasons.

I loved how you described the simple ritual of that Buddhist guy. You know I always remember you when think about the pictures you clicked in one of your train journeys and we chatted until you found an Aunty to pass time with...he he.

Ricky said...

Our families miss us a lot and it is evident in the happiness that my parents expressed when they came to know about my travel plans. I am sure your parents have been missing their crazy daughter too :P

You don't even wanna know what kinda politics I will discuss with my hostel buddies on my trip

"...when I need ‘that’ time wrapped in silky dreamy titbits of life.." what a way to express the words.

Love the way you express yourself, ekdum bindaas.

I will check your pictures soon :D

Sorabh Baxi said... happy to see your post there...after such a long time...and that too you have written so much and in a very very beautiful way!!!

Anonymous said...

@red soul-yayy.congratz:D!!
and....?did u see them?

@rikkky-yes how can i forget tht trip and teh bday post theerafter:)
its a diff thing..u 'managed' to 4get it this yr n get away wid it...:P
You don't even wanna know what kinda politics I will discuss with my hostel buddies on my trip accha...:P
but these ppl, we were almost a part of each other in hostel u kno, just stupid insecurities n misunderstandings brought in suk bitterness which they shud all get rid of. lol, ppl were pretty jealous of mine n anita's fship;) u know her right:P

ya n am yet to check urs...:P
u can kill me for my delays haan.

@sorabhbaxi-sacchi kya:P am glad baxi jee.. guess u can pen down few thots as well..comeon...!
justlike when i get up early i want everyone around me to wake up, i want everyone around to write now tht i scribbled sumthing:P


adi said...

yes, i've, but don't remember clearly... anyways, this time, i think i'll stay and also, u mite b pensive enough to visit delhidreams often :)
take care, hope u've a nice time at home and yes, a good post, kinda similar to what i feel these days, so... liked it...

rain girl said...

hmmm. you are thinking a lot.. or maybe i have just strated discovering you. I dunno but its only train journeys - any long journeys will do that to you. I mean, my walk homedaily to hostel - hardly 15 minutes makes me soo perspective.. and sometimes confused as ever :P

and be a little more of who I am.
i loved this line :*

i guess your family misses you maybe coz they have realised that you will never kinda come back home perma now.. you know; further studies - then job then marriage. maybe that realisation makes them miss you more..

raingirl said...

n don't apologize for being cynical or selfish :) it's perfectly OK to be so..

Anonymous said...

i know, any kinda journey does the same, just tht, when u know therz no deadline or daily lochas;) to meet in few hrs or minutes its a little more relaxing:)

n tis thing...introspecting, n discovering has been there always, just tht there are certain moments when i really feel like talking about them. may b thts being introvert:)..i dunno...



payal said...

hey..sonaaaa... :) update na... pls? pls? abto diwali bhi chale gayi...

Ricky said...

I didn't forgot the Birthday this year but knew that you will be getting phone calls for next seven days as you are such a "popular" girl, toh thought of calling after everyone is done...phew :P (kaisa laga mera bahana)

Yes, I know that achaar girl Anita.

You need to check my post soon now :P