Saturday, October 18, 2008

And I smile...


Somtimes its okay to let some "doesn't make any sense!" thoughts just be...
let them just breathe
so that tommorow you know they existed
at some phase of your life
and its okay

but sometimes I can't write when the feeling of others reading it bothers me
so have decided, i d just write without any obligation of posting them(dun worry it's more of a self imposed obligation!)
On a lighter note, now that exams approach, the rational side of life, the urge to discover the other side doesn't stay calm
So herz another of my random scribbles- khamakha...n not so khamakha....





And I smile
___________________________________


You look for me
In the coldness engulfing the icy thirsty souls
You look for me…
You look for me now, when I am already gone
In the pitch dark planet of the bittered hearts
You seek the warmth of a wintry moment
Now that…
Winters have gone numb, summer has frozen, spring shattered into a slow death bit by bit
It was then that
words played around us
Oh! I could hold each word on my palm
Like a dew
Stare deep into its soul, for eternity
Unfold each emotion
And kiss its being
Until they would melt away into my lips
Drench my heart and drug me top to toe, inside out

It was then that
thoughts reclined under the sun
resting their arms on us
seeping into us at ease
through each pore
stir us
mould into violent waves
of dreams of tomorrow
of eternal giggles to be..

And now
Look at that sparkle dust
At a distance
I walk ten steps to be there
Each step growing heavier
Failing, crinkling with the roughness beneath and inside ….
Blurring my vision
with dusty misty past
oh! The angles mock too, leaves wither with the touch of my existence
Looking away, my eyelashes shift heavy with soul drops
To tenderly pick a blue shimmery piece of glass
Wrapped in the sparkle dust
What seems like once part of a royal window
Through which the princess must have awaited her lover’s steps
Must have looked so adorable that moment, chin resting on her right dry palm, barren blue eyes gazing out, her careless, lifeless, long wavy hair, touching the floor, while she waited with an hourglass and dreamt of days to come
The window must have broken
Blue pieces shattered to ground
Sands of the hour glass blown away by the angry wind
Smearing the fallen glasses into a rosy sad glitter
There goes
Another round of hope and despair
Another shot of filthy wrath

And then,
The blue glass pierced my finger tip
To wake me out of my muse
And out spilled red exotic drops
That they call blood
And dripped down with them
Uninvited, long forgotten
crystal pearls from my eyes
that they call tears

I let them flow and flow
Let them breathe, finally
Out of the stifling bittered zone of my heart
Let them trickle and drench the air, the thoughts, the words, and memories….
Let them drench the burning anger
Like the soothing touch of a mother on her feverish child’s forehead
Like the balmy breeze of the ocean mildly slapping the faces of the crestfallen souls

Tenderly, carefully, like a newborn baby,
I held the crystal drop on my palm
Watching it melt into the redness
And held it there
For hours
Stared deep into its soul
Like staring at the words on my palm
Remember?

They froze
They don’t move anymore
Icybrutal, ditched, and black
They have turned numb
Tears and words alike…


Emotions
Like whirlpool
Dance around
Hitting each vein
Teasing each thought
Chasing each desire
Desires… like molten iron scarring the soul
Pushing me to face my worst nightmares
Building illusions
Weaving collage out of hidden photographs, lost words dripping down the flying papers in the fierce wind, abandoned and never to be revealed
Mocking aloud
Celebrating the defeat
Dancing a wild dance of fake empathy and brutal sympathy

I stared hard and cold
And then
Laughed along
I raised a toast too
To another lesson learnt, another page flipped, in the book of life
And I smile…..

8 comments:

rain girl said...

BEAUTIFUL!!!
seriously, sona...
this is..
i dunno
every word to describe it sounds so cliche, but your poem isn't. and to think you were thinking of not posting it....

each paragraph is a poem in itself. i swear i can't tell you which line is my fav, coz i love them all.. you have etched such beautiful pictures in mid-air with your words..as if i could reach out and touch them...

you expressed pain without being melodramatic. told about stories oft told in never-heard of before metaphors...

please don't ever stop posting.
you write one post in a year - this is worth my entire work till date.

Khamakha said...

@raingirl-coming frm you...am :-/!!don't say that ever!
actually feels normal (n am glad)to find sum1 holding my thots as dear as they are to me...

um, i dunno, i jst feel all these expressions of..say.. pain, thots, words they are all so alive...dancing around us all the time!!

descrying the shadows said...

dropped in from vicky's blog
and am
Speechless .. I am not worthy enough to comment on this post .. He he.. to be honest, i am over awed ..
rolling you asap.

Red Soul said...

wow. I felt every word in it. :) good going kaviyatri jee :*

AmitL said...

Hi,there,Sonali..good to see u at ur comment at my blog.:)And,grt to see ur post,too...:)I agree-you write,for yourself,because you want to..:)BTW,u used one of my favourite phrases'doesn't make any sense'...I use it at least once a day...and,if you see the way things work in Dubai,you'd wholeheartedly agree.:)

Will read your'And I smile' poem in the evening..just leaving for work,now.

Beauty and the BEast said...

Everytime you fall.. you learn to get up once again, no matter how hard the fall hurt...

Your words... so easy flowing... and so real... rekindle the flames of feelings

It would really be sad to see you stop writing

Red Soul said...

yo :D

Khamakha said...

@descrying the shadows- hey welcome.... please don;t say that. its just a humble attempt to put in my silly thoughts... so plz do come back, n express whteva u wanna:)
@redsoul-yo!
@amitl-hey welcome!!!!! ya, i ve heard quite a lot bout Dubai n the lifestyle there n some more trivia here n there
@beauty n beast-no matter how hard the fall hurt.... true... glad to see u here again btw.. i d try n keep writing 4 sure, ..