Saturday, April 4, 2009

Let there be light....






The music of farewell trance from Kabhi alvida na kehna kept repeating itself, the heat outside tried desperately and arrogantly to enter through the glass pane, friends asking her to go out for a movie or go shopping for cute chappals and junk from street bazaar in the city , Smses dropping in once in a while, chat windows popping up with heys and hiiiis….

It was a packed moment now.. and then the next just goes so blank she ends up sitting under the shower shaken and shivering not knowing what to do next.

Life wasn’t sad, life can never be sad. It’s just that intense sense of … existence..or non-existence that baffles you at times.
There is so much happening, all the tamasha, the very phenomenon of something defines hope for what is to come.

Lines from the movie The curious case of Benjamin Button kept playing in her head…

“For what it's worth: it's never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit, start whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people who have a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of, and if you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again”

She sometimes felt blessed to be able to watch the sun set in its best hues and aura every evening, while sipping a cuppa chai, and let the breeze calmly fondle her face and hair…

She gets restless so easily, it almost scares her at times…the anxiety, the dreams drive her crazy. The sudden jolts from her sleep, and coaxing herself back to sleep, she was learning to love herself…
She learnt and she unlearnt..and she is learning again..
She dreamt and she stepped upon pieces of shattered piercing hopes every moment…
She smiled and felt the tears brewing up in her heart eager to trickle down ….every moment.

A trance indeed. So many people go through these undulating waves of emotions day in and day out…. But they carry on…something inside them dies at times..but there are newer things that come alive…

God becomes your best friend, and sometimes you are scared to trust the almighty even. He never promises you happiness in the way we want to see it. Everyday is called a gift for reasons…reasons she seeked everyday…debates in her mind that had no answer,,,

She wonders, the answers we get..are they the truth…or it’s just another fabricated philosophy to go on….. oh what were those words that the Fasttrack giant hoardings scream…Move on…

She laughs everytime she hears the words Move on…What an easy way to escape the answers…

It was all a clutter, a chaos, interwoven thoughts of past, present and the future…
As noisy and deafening as the bedlam of crazy confusions that seeped into her mind everytime she manages to fall asleep. Perks of growing up..eh! Well goodluck to her.

8 comments:

marvin the paranoid android said...

profound!!!

gomu said...

"Existence is not something which lets itself be thought of form a distance; it must invade you suddenly, master you, weigh heavily on your heart like a great motionless beast - or else there is nothing at all."

- Nausea, Jean-Paul Sartre


I have already told u on chat how much I have loved reading this post. >:D<

Ricky said...

Love the way you write, sometimes it is hard to distinguish if its fact or fiction, reality or your imagination, but there is no doubt that whatever it is, its complex.

gomu said...

poke

Beauty and the BEast said...

sometimes you feel all grown up at twenty and keep wishing you were still sixteen, then wonder if thats the way you feel now what would you feel when you turn thirty!!

Apprehensions and nostalgia.. cant let go of em, can we?

InExile said...

i like the name of your blog !

Anorak said...

i don't know the answer to happiness but the surest way to failure is to look for answers to all questions all the time.....keep walking!!!

skullz said...

Wonderful lines from the movie Benjamin Button. " She laughs everytime she hears the words Move on…What an easy way to escape the answers…" - I identify with this line. :) deep thoughts, I should say ..